One of the many perks that come with being an elderly person is Seniors Day. Once a month many businesses give away freebies and discounts. It’s not because the senior citizen market is lucrative or anything like. In fact it’s quite the opposite. Seniors spend very little money, take up seating that would otherwise be used for the spending public, and bog down employees with their long-winded stories of days gone by.

So why would any establishment want to have a seniors day? Public relations. Being nice to old people  makes them look like good guys. That’s right…the only reason they do it is to appear to be good members of the community .

Seniors know this, and take full advantage. In fact they play it for all it’s worth. If those stupid merchants want to look like good guys they’ll have to pay the price in coupons and free stuff.

Billy’s first venture was a lemon-aid stand, but after a week of slow sales, he decided to do a little market research.

Turns out that the average age in his neighborhood was 70 years old because of the retirement home on his block. This being the case it only made sense to offer a service targetted towards the local demographic. 

Thanks to the advent of  the wonder drug Viagra, any senior with a half decent ticker, and a willing partner can now enjoy a good boinkin whenever he feels the need.
Problem is, those little blue don’t come cheap. In fact some seniors have even resorted to returning to the work force in order to off set the cost of achieving a chubby.

It’s a moon-lit night and you’re alone with your best girl. Suddenly your eyes lock, and slowly, your lips move ever closer. Before you know it your mouths lock, and your  tongues begin furiously probing each others oral cavities. All of the sudden the passion-soaked moment comes to and abrupt end when you realize….Your bargain brand denture adhesive has failed you.

There is nothing more dangerous than a bored senior. We as a society need to be more involved with our elderly parents and grandparents. Elderly people with nothing to do, and no place to go, will find ways to fill their time. Bored and neglected seniors looking to fit in, will often fall in with the wrong crowd, leading them down the path to trouble. So talk to your elderly loved one. Ask them what they are up to and get to know their friends. Become involved. Volunteer at a nursing home. It’s up to you to do your part because the cost of an idle old person is more than any community can afford.

If there’s one segment of society that old people hate it’s teenagers. It’s almost like they purposely enjoy taunting the elderly with their youthful vitality. It’s like… “Hey look at me, I’m young and exuberant. I can eat an apple without worrying about my false teeth falling out.” Damn those menacing teenagers…damn them all to hell!!